My dear friend and fellow blogger on the Unstable Table has the unfortunate luck of being the victim of finders keepers. I have known Carla for over almost 15 years and have witnessed many of her belongings vanish in the abyss of other people. Shoes, scarfs, cute tops, earrings, nothing is spared.
And what kind of monster would claim the property of another? A decent person would return a friend’s sunglasses if they left them at their house, no?
Well color me monster! I admit I have the shameful habit of wearing, using, and sometimes bragging, about things Carla may have left at my house. And it is unfortunate that not only do I suffer from can’treturncarla’sshititis, it seems that our friend Julie suffers from the same. (I will let her defend herself in the comment section) I am not proud of this infliction. But her stuff is so damn cute! Fashion is one of her talents, and I leech from it. I have no sense of fashion at all. My idea of style consists of an old pair of running shorts and a tank top. My idea of high end sunglasses are a buy one get one at Old Navy.
So when she left a super-hot pair of sunglasses at my house on Memorial Day, I repeated to myself daily, don’t wear them, return them. DON’T WEAR THEM RETURN THEM. DON’T WEAR THEM RETURN THEM!! My own daughter even put them away for me so as to not temp me. I was proud of myself. Untill…..
Fast forward one month later. It was time for Matt and I to attend our second trip to the annual Texas Outlaw Challenge, my brother invites us every year. It’s a poker run along Galveston bay in Kemah Texas, right outside of Houston. The first year we went I did not know what to expect. I did not know that it was INSANE. Insanely big expensive boats that go insanely fast on the water, and insane pool parties with insanely beautiful women with insanely large breast. The really do everything BIG in Texas.
So I go to Texas with a few Gap sundresses and a couple of tank tops from Wally World. I even splurged and bought a miracle suit from Macy’s that was supposed to suck you in and tuck things away. The brand name even said “You still got it” Hell ya I do! I even got a little bag that clips around your waist to carry your stuff. I refuse to call this a fanny pack as it was much more stylish. I am a mom and you can take the mom out of Pittsburgh, but you can’t take the mom to Texas and loose the mom. I figured we would be on a high-speed boat for 4 days attending parties, I would need something to carry my spf 145. My sunscreen addiction is a whole different blog post.
So we get to Kemah and yes you guessed it, I was the biggest dork there. I am surrounded by bedazzled woman with stilettoes and gold. I was a fish out of water and I wanted to swim back to carpooling and youth soccer games. But then I took a deep breath and a huge gulp of Cuervo and said screw it, I am going to have a blast. And a blast I did. Probably one of the best times of my life. We sped along the coast at 75 miles per hour, partied with rock starts and football players, met some awesome people and bonded with my brother and his wife. Power boating is a culture. It looks flashy and intimidating but it’s a thrill and I can see why people fall in love with it.
So when we were asked to go back again this year I was stoked!! But this year I wanted to embrace the Texas. I was going to bring sexy back to me. So I consulted with the fashinista Carla, and her advice to me? LOOSE THE FANNY PACK. She is the expert, so I ditched the pack, bought some sexy shoes, a cowboy hat, and some outfits that I would never wear here in the burbs of Pittsburgh. I was so excited and was ready to not be myself for 4 days.
Our plane left Pittsburgh at 6:10 am, which means we had to leave our house at 3:00am to get to the airport. The airport is a 20 minute drive from my house, but my beloved Fiancée has OCD and takes the ‘arrive at the airport 2 hours before your flight’ thing way too serious. If it was up to me, I would leave at 5:30. But I digress. So there I am at 2:30 am, all sexied up and ready to go. But wait! I could not find my sunglasses, I just splurged and bought some Anne Klein’s from Marshalls. WHERE ARE THEY!!!!!! I was panicked, I can not leave without a pair of sunglasses. Meanwhile, Matt is panicking about being lat. He is screaming that we are going to miss our flight. (It is seriously 2:45 in the morning, we are not missing our flight). And while I was looking for my sunglasses, there, like a diamond in the rough, were dear Carla’s Sunglasses. They were tempting me, as if calling out “come on do it, you will look way hipper in these anyway.” After some intense resistance, I grab the glasses and go. And there began the journey of Carla’s sunglasses.
So we had a few hours to wait and drink some coffee.
Here we are waiting for our flight at the gate almost 3 hours before our flight. Thanks, Matt!
Finally it was time to board and head to our seats. Matt in the front behind first class, next to a super cute 20 something girl and me in the very last row next to the bathroom and an obese man named Jorge whom had an excessive sweating issue. But hey, at least I got the window. It was a great view.
We arrive in Texas and meet my Brother and his wife, Susan at the United Club. I was really excited about this; it made me feel pretty fancy.
We all have a drink and head to the bay house. We rent this beautiful house in San Leon, Texas with 4 other couples. The view overlooking the bay is breathtaking and makes me want to live there forever.
As I mentioned the outlaw challenge is a 4 day party that consists of racing around the Kemah bay area in high-speed boats collecting a poker hand. The best hand at the end of the event wins. But the party part is way more a thing than the actual poker hand. This event is not for one who would like to keep their liver healthy and clean.
So we stocked the fridge in order to prepare for the upcoming events.
Now, I am not much of drinker, but I will admit there is something nostalgic about a fridge stocked with booze.
So after a toast and some meet and greet with our roomies for the next 4 days it was boat time.
Here are some pics of the boats because I cannot possibly explain them to you in words.
Matt and I were riding with our friend Jeff, Matt was co-captain and well, I guess I was kind of beer wench for the next few days, but that’s ok. I’m on a boat!
The first stop on the poker run was an infamous party, this party is known as “Kenny’s” … who is Kenny?
I don’t know. But I do know that he throws the parties of all parties. His pool is right on the coast and provides food for the entire poker run. Not just any food. There were taco trucks, sushi bars, grill stands, you name it you could find it, and eat it.
Can you find me? Just look for the sunglasses..
I am telling you this party was off the hook! Now, before you make fun of me, let me explain why I used an expression that hasn’t been uttered since the last airing of Fresh Prince. My fiancé Matt got a little tipsy during the party and went missing. When we finally collected him and head back on the boat, he mutter’s in a day drunk fashion “MAN, THAT PARTY WAS OFF THE HOOK!” At that point everyone snickers and I can do nothing but claim him for my own.
The next two days were spent doing much of the same; zooming through the Galveston bay at top speeds, going to different pools, restaurant’s, and enjoying the beach house.
4 days of boating, swimming, dancing, and even ocean kayaking, I was spent. And unfortunately so were Carla’s sunglasses. On the last day my lovely friend Bethany and her sweet son Jones paid me a visit because she is currently living in Houston.
So we go to lunch at Bubba Gump Shrimp Company and take Jones to the amusement park.
I was explaining to Jones that life is like a box of chocolate. He couldn’t grasp it.
Here are me, Jones, and Carla’s sunglasses, and an Alien friend Jones Picked up along the way.
Take me to your leader. Or a Star Bucks, I am cool with either.
It was then, when it happened. I don’t know if it was the Alien, the humidity or the giant Bloody Mary that did it. But when I went to grab the sunglasses back on my head after readjusting them from a kiddie ride, I heard a snap. It was the worst sound I have ever heard. There on the ground of the Kemah boardwalk was a piece of tiny brown plastic. The sunglasses broke. I made it through an airport, ocean kayaking, pool parties, high speed boating but I could not make it home with Carla’s sunglasses.
So to my wonderful, gorgeous, understanding, lifelong friend, I owe you a pair of super sexy sunglasses and a drink.
Till next year Texas!!